“A movement in which each joins and feels joined, sees and feels seen, moves and is moved by the other.” (p. 124, The Buddha’s Wife)
The movement of connecting is a moment of joining—of being with, co-arising with mutual presence of mind, heart, and spirit. Therefore, when we say, “we connect,” we’re relating to each other in such a way that we join with an energy that unites with mutually responsive empathy. It becomes a shared experience with specific benefits, as described by Dr. Jean Baker Miller in her book The Healing Connection; there are “Five Good Things” that come from connecting:
- Knowledge of self, other, and the relationship
- An increased sense of worth
- A desire for more connection
These five qualities are experienced by every participant in the relationship—signs that the relationship is mutually beneficial and healthy. Participants continuously, and even simultaneously, adapt and align, offer and receive in the relationship…instead of turning away, we turn towards the other and are present with and responsive to him/her. To “show up” in such a way is to take the first step.